Coach Patti's Blog

Last time I talked about setting goals and seeing it through to reaching those goals. In theory, that all sounds good. But even with goals and good intentions, people don't always reach the goals that they really want. If you look behind the typical excuses – "I ran out of time." "I had a family emergency." "Things are tougher today than they used to be." – you may find that it's one issue that is really holding them back: Fear.

Fear can be a very powerful motivator if your life or the life of someone you care about is in danger. We've all heard about the mother who managed to lift a car off her trapped child. Fortunately, those kind of extreme situations rarely happen. But that doesn't mean that fear leaves us alone.

Quite the contrary. If we let it, fear will run our lives and keep us from getting what we want in life. In reality, the only thing that prevents us from succeeding is…ourselves! We are excellent at procrastinating, not asking for what we want or need or even knowing precisely what it is we want or need. We then find excuses for not creating the behavior, taking the appropriate actions, and taking the steps necessary to learn and move forward.

We're certainly not alone. Fear is something everyone has to deal with. The trick is knowing this and recognizing the common fears so that we can deal with them. Here are six common fears – how many of these affect you?

FEAR OF FAILURE. One of the main reasons people procrastinate is their fear of failure. They would rather do nothing than risk looking bad, making a mistake, or not completing what they start. Perfectionists are especially susceptible to this one.

FEAR OF SUCCESS. This fear is a little more subtle. We all want success, but to many people success means more stress, pressure, work, and responsibility. If that's your image of success, then it's no wonder you manage to not achieve it. To get past this, you need to be able to revise your image of success so it starts to look more like ongoing fulfillment, pleasure, and satisfaction.

FEAR OF REJECTION. For many people, this is the number one fear in their life. Most people with this fear don't have an inner experience of "being" or "OK-ness." They don't understand that it's not the rejection that matters; it is the understanding that there will always be differences and preferences in life between people and ideas. What does matter is how we learn from, deal with, and respond to the rejection in a healthy, positive manner.

FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN. We humans like to feel that we know our environment and what to expect from it. We can deal with almost any danger if we know about it. What we can't handle is the unknown. In fact, when faced with an unknown, we can imagine all sorts of horrible possibilities. In this situation, we are prone to staying with what we know – even if it is intolerable – rather than stepping off into the unknown. Why? Because most people would rather live with, and deal with, what they have and know now, then to take a risk with the unknown, believing that it could be worse!  

FEAR OF CHANGE. This fear is the "sister" of the fear of the unknown. Most people talk about changing but few actually do change. There are a couple of reasons for this: First, very few people like to acknowledge that something is wrong or not working in their lives. Second, they don't like the feelings associated with the awkwardness or embarrassment of doing something new or different for the first time. They lack the patience and persistence necessary to endure and internalize the changes necessary to grow.

FEAR OF TAKING RISKS. This fear keeps too many of America's workforce in the same place, even though they wake up every morning hating their jobs, their workplaces, their bosses, their careers or professions. Their work environment may be negative and debilitating. Yet these people will not take a chance on themselves for fear of being judged a failure!

Someone recently asked me what I attribute people's success to. I answered in two words: "Learned experiences." Then they asked how does one get learned experiences? Again I said two words: "Make mistakes." When they asked how does one do this? I said just two words: "Take risks!"

Fear is something we live with every day. But HOW we live with it, and how we manage fear, determines how happy and fulfilled our lives will be.

Is fear getting in the way of your happier life?

Patti Kouri, Accelerated Performance Coaching Helping You Through Self-Made Limitations! 

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